I have been saying, to family mostly, that I know I will never be recognized as an accomplished author until after I'm dead. That may not be too many years away at my age, or I could feeble on for another decade or two. I fear having everything about what I've written and/or is unfinished tossed in the trash as happened with Margaret Mitchell. A Pulitzer didn't even endear her works to her family or estate managers, thus the one book - Gone with the Wind. At any rate I've made it known that my granddaughter should inherit everything about my writings. That makes sense since few in my family have taken the time to read any of my books, or finish them, if started. But I think my granddaughter will be fascinated by who her Grammie really was. You see, I hardly get to see her.
There's no excuse for it. We both have FaceTime (like Skype), but I don't have long distance capability. I have to wait for their initiative. When it has happened it's been on a hand-held device that suggests (to me) that real communication with me isn't important. I've never had a visit, in the five years since she's been for, and only a few short, day visits in the thirteen years I've been here - none since they moved to Austin. Well, once, when I fell and broke my ankle and it needed emergency surgery. My daughter happened to be in Dallas on business and it was somewhat convenient. The last time I was able to make a trip was just before my granddaughter turned two and many others gathered for that Thanksgiving, who saw her often, monopolized her time. I think I got ten minutes in three days. It broke my heart because I knew my situation could make it impossible for me to make another trip…ever.
Another issue is based on some of the reviews I've gotten. I can tell some of my stories are too deep, or difficult for most to complete. Yes, there are a few four and five star reviews on some of my books where I feel there was no real reading. In a way, that's a book bashing in a different sense than those troll attacks where there is only 1-star and comments meant to demean the book and the author.
Of course, not all 1-star reviews are to be assumed to be by trolls, but most who can't finish a book probably won't take the trouble to put in a one-star review or make comments. In fact, I recently asked an acquaintance who won a copy of one of my books, but couldn't finish it for personal reasons, to go ahead and add a 1-star with the same comments she told me. It would be a constructive review for perspective readers, as even a 1-star should be.
I spend my days at the computer. I am exhausted by social media connections to keep up with. I'm an introvert (backed my all the psychological testing through my education) and I prefer interactions on a small scale, not large gatherings. I've learned to deal with a lot going on around me, but it's exhausting. I have the ability to sense each person and pick up their feelings and inclinations from the smallest gesture or expression. Keeping up with a large building of co-workers could have driven me mad if I hadn't learned to close out those not in close approximation.
When at the computer I am housed in a loathsome and decrypted home with a low ceiling, and with several of the few windows stuffed with AC units. I work with few lights, to save on costs. I am basically in an above ground basement. The only time I go outdoors is to walk the dog three - five times a day, attend an appointment or obtain what we both need to get by on…about two or three times a month. Seldom is it more. I think some of my old co-workers think I moved away. Nobody calls, except one brother, once a week, but he has tired of having conversations.
All of this will give you conformation of my writer type. It's all too clear to me. For a more in-depth description of the types you should read Alexei Maxim Russell's blog on each. But here is a quick look.
If you knew me, even by what I've written above, you'd find me here right away. I'm the Weird Recluse, trying not to become a bitter failure, practicing my ray of sunshine and greasy palm skills occasionally.
Enjoy finding yourself. And look me up and my books after you read my obituary. That will change everything about how popular we are. Or, you could look them up now, read one, write a review, and contact me. I'd love to hear from anyone who truly took the time to complete one of my novels, understood it and found it classic. Thank you for your time.
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