Turning Point

I've had my birthday...I'm now eligible for my full social security.

The election is over...not happy, but there's nothing I can do about it.  We have a great system, just a lot of stupid people in this country.  I guess Libya and other neglectful actions, or non actions, don't matter as long as those who feel they'll get a handout still get the promises.  I can't complain too much.  Those hand outs have helped me, but I wish I didn't need them.  I wonder if others getting them will feel the need to give up like I do.

Waiting for my latest interview as an author to be posted.  Then I think I'm going to give up on this social media stuff.  It's a lot of hype for no return, if you ask me.  I feel as though I'm writing and posting to myself.

I was given a wonderful computer and was able to start a great internet service at three times the cost of my dial-up.  Trouble is I'm still paying for the phone line, I've disconnected my unlimited usage at a bargain price, and now have the same problems I had before all that expense and loss.

Yeah, even the best connections ain't what they say they are.

I live in the city limits, but you wouldn't know it for the surroundings.  I'm in walking distance of a street with a bus connection, but the phone company doesn't have internet service here, the cable companies cost too much and the rural service couldn't get a connection.  I'm stuck.  I can download between midnight and 6 am, but it's usually quirky and just as slow.  So, I give up.  Besides, I really like sleeping during that time.  My old body is kinda used to it.

If you contact me I'll make the effort to respond, otherwise, I'm immersing myself in my writings.  I won't get to publish them, however, since I am a self-published author.  Why?  Because all my spare money is paying for an internet connection I am at pains to use.

I said I could get my full social security now, but with the cut-backs I lost my job three years prior to retirement and needed to start drawing it early.  The unemployment lasted a little while, but there was no other job and it wasn't enough without my SS.  Now, in order to get the full amount I worked for, I'd have to pay back all I've received.  That's not a joke, but in a way it is...on me.

Since no one wants to pay for a book, but will willingly take one for free, I have no other income as I'd hoped.  In fact, it's all I can do to pay my necessities from my one check.  I can't afford my own books to get some for a book signing, but that experience proved to me that not many read like I do.  And I fear my gas card will eventually reach it's max and with only a minimum payment each month I will be more home bound than I am already.

I only go for groceries and doctor appointments.  I make a trip to my brother's about every six weeks.

My food stamp allotment barely lasts 3 weeks out of the month, so I have to keep some funds for food.  I am thinking of going to a pantry for assistance.  Even though I never eat sweets or an excessive "meal" -- more like a full meal per day -- I can't keep losing weight.  I loss, then gain and it's a cycle I've gotten used to, so junk food from a pantry can't be any worse.

Not much in this old house works right.  I'm lucky I've got a plug-in site for a computer.  It's got a great big screen so I can see it better than the tiny screen I used for years on a little netbook.  It goes extra large at weird times and I haven't figured out why.  The directions I follow to make it do that on purpose don't respond, so I just go to "View" and click on "Actual size."  Sometimes I do it several times a day.  It no longer irritates me.  I'll just let it be.  And I'll let the rest of life be.  I have an alternate reality to wrap my brain around.  At least that's still fun.